{"id":2201,"date":"2024-01-11T22:25:32","date_gmt":"2024-01-12T02:25:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.unemploymentville.com\/blog\/?p=2201"},"modified":"2024-01-18T01:27:52","modified_gmt":"2024-01-18T05:27:52","slug":"how-losing-my-job-cost-me-my-marriage-why-it-was-the-best-thing-that-ever-happened-to-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.unemploymentville.com\/blog\/how-losing-my-job-cost-me-my-marriage-why-it-was-the-best-thing-that-ever-happened-to-me\/","title":{"rendered":"How Losing My Job Cost Me My Marriage \u2013 Why It Was The Best Thing"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"wedding<\/a>134 days after I got married, I lost my job.\u00a0 134 days is a very short amount of time before being forced to deal with the harsh realities of the real world.\u00a0 That line in your vows \u2013 \u201cfor richer or poorer\u201d \u2013 was quickly put to the test. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Spoiler alert: we failed.\u00a0 However, losing my job wasn\u2019t the main reason why my marriage failed.\u00a0 I will say, that although it may seem as though this is not a happy ending, this event changed the course of my life in ways that I never imagined it would.<\/p>\n

March 1, 2011.\u00a0 After working at my employer for exactly 1 year, I was let go.<\/strong>\u00a0 While I obviously experienced some shock to this news, I can\u2019t honestly say I stayed in this state for very long.\u00a0 I had slowly begun to dislike my job, the horrible commute, and eventually the company itself.\u00a0 It was a community in which I never truly felt as if I belonged there, and that feeling only grew as time passed.\u00a0 It did not take me long to accept my new reality, and having the support of my new husband made things a bit easier to go through.\u00a0 This comfort period did not last long.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"golden<\/a>Two weeks before I lost my job, my husband had decided that for my birthday, he was going to buy me a puppy.\u00a0 He brought home my golden retriever, Doug, which was by far the greatest gift I have ever received.\u00a0 One of the first thoughts I had when I was out of work was that now I would be able to spend all my time with my new puppy and try and teach him some new commands and tricks.\u00a0 I could create a very strong bond with him during this time that I\u2019m still grateful I was able to experience to this day.\u00a0 While I was excited at this prospect, the fact that not only did he need all his shots, he needed to be spayed, as well as the dozen or so foods we tried to get him to eat, and the toys he destroyed along with some of our shoes and furniture \u2013 I was not happy to watch my savings account be depleted so rapidly while trying to find a new job.<\/p>\n

For the first time in my life, I was out of a job.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t really know what to do at first.<\/strong>\u00a0 At first, it felt like a mini-vacation.\u00a0 I got to sleep in, lounge around, play with my new puppy, but after a few days of this, I got bored\u2026and then the anxiety started to creep in.\u00a0 What if I can\u2019t find a job? <\/strong>\u00a0What are we going to do for money?\u00a0 How are we going to pay our bills? I should also explain that my new husband hadn\u2019t had a job in months and couldn\u2019t seem to keep one for more than a few weeks if his life depended on it.\u00a0 At this point, I needed him to step up and help me deal with this situation together.\u00a0 I felt that since I had always supported him with no questions asked, he\u2019d do the same for me.\u00a0 It was hard to believe the events that followed.<\/strong><\/p>\n

He became abusive \u2013 emotionally, mentally, and eventually physically.\u00a0 When I started stretching my unemployment check to the very last cent, I would log onto my bank account or my credit card statements and see multiple ATM withdrawals which would create a negative bank balance creating fees I couldn\u2019t afford, or maxing out my credit cards making them worthless.\u00a0 When I would confront him, he would lie and say that it wasn\u2019t him, yet a new pack of cigarettes would magically be in his pocket.<\/p>\n

At one point during this stint of unemployment, he went to jail for over 30 days due to violating a probation related to drugs I didn\u2019t even know existed.\u00a0 While I was constantly networking, applying to jobs, going on interviews, and getting rejected again and again, my husband was always there to remind me that he needed my car, food, new sneakers, and spending money for himself.\u00a0 I would be made to feel bad if I told him we can\u2019t afford that \u2013 the dog needs to be fed, for example \u2013 and then a fight would ensue that sometimes ended when the cops knocked on our door.<\/p>\n

My life got to the point where I would have to choose who was going to be able to eat that day \u2013 my husband and I, or the puppy.<\/strong>\u00a0 I always made sure Doug didn\u2019t go without anything and I was the one who paid the price.\u00a0 It came down to eating one meal a day.\u00a0 I always saved mine for dinnertime so that I wouldn\u2019t go to bed hungry.\u00a0 There were nights when I had been looking forward to my measly leftovers all day only to open the refrigerator and find them gone.\u00a0 Another fight would ensure and the cycle would repeat itself the next day and usually the day after that.<\/p>\n

\"woman's<\/a>Once the three-month mark hit, I was feeling desperate.\u00a0 I started using my library every day.\u00a0 If nothing else, it provided me with an escape from a life I just could not bear to live.\u00a0 I would send out hundreds of resumes a day, and I would spend hours either searching for new opportunities or following up on ones I had already applied to.\u00a0 It even got to the point where I had printed out a stack of resumes, and I gave them to my mom.\u00a0 She, in turn, started handing them out to clients while driving limos.\u00a0 I remember her giving my resume to an upper management employee from Philips, and while they didn\u2019t have anything open at the time, it always put a smile on my face knowing that my resume was getting out there in a very unique way.\u00a0 At one point, I went to my city\u2019s career services center, where you had access to more jobs that weren\u2019t necessarily made available online.\u00a0 I kept finding new ways to just get out of the house and remind myself that this, too, shall pass.<\/p>\n

Finally, in September of 2011, I found a job that was within walking distance to my home, and I ended up working at this company for almost five years.\u00a0 A month after I started my new job, I found out my husband had been cheating on me for over a month, and I was officially done.\u00a0 I started putting my affairs in order, and by the end of the year, we were separated and on our way to a divorce.\u00a0 The day after my 27th<\/sup> birthday, we signed our divorce papers in my new company\u2019s cafeteria, and I never looked back.\u00a0 Even though Doug was the greatest birthday gift I\u2019ve ever received, this was a very close second.<\/p>\n

Looking back, I know that I should have used different coping mechanisms than I did at the time.\u00a0 I avoided all my friends and I never told anyone in my family or his family what was going on for a very long time.<\/strong>\u00a0 I thought that I could turn things around, that I would be able to help him work through his and our issues, and I tried really hard to make things work.\u00a0 I was determined not to throw in the towel without trying my very best.\u00a0 If I had reached out to someone, I could have talked about my issues and they could have helped me cope with the situation.\u00a0 I thought that I couldn\u2019t afford that, but there are options out there.\u00a0 The library turned into my sanctuary as I checked out more self-help books than I could carry, but they were there for me when I needed them the most.\u00a0 There are resources and people who do care who can help you if you make the effort to reach out.\u00a0 I was too blinded by my pride to think I should do that, but looking back, I think they could have made things a bit easier for me if nothing else.<\/p>\n

If I hadn\u2019t had this time to really see him for who he was day in and day out, I think he would have continued to pull the wool over my eyes and it would have taken me years to figure out that he was truly a monster.\u00a0 Instead, I was hit in the face with all of these awful truths during a painful and embarrassing time in my life.\u00a0 It was a viscous cycle of never feeling good enough, being rejected and abused, and not able to truly believe that things would get better and that I would get through this. I was determined to make it through, and I did.<\/p>\n

Over the years, I look back on this situation and I am immensely proud that not only did I make it, I did it with my head held high, my principles intact, and I even managed to keep all of my financial accounts current and never missed a single payment, which for me, was a huge personal accomplishment.\u00a0 I refused to let him bring me down financially, and I\u2019m so grateful that through my hard work, he never did.\u00a0 It\u2019s a time in my life that continues to ground me when times are tough.\u00a0 It reminds me that I went through hell and back and I\u2019m OK.<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m still growing as a person, I\u2019m still learning new things about myself and the world around me, and had I not gone through this, I never would have gotten my master\u2019s degree, traveled the world, be a part of my friends\u2019 lives through marriages and babies, and not be truly happy like I am today.\u00a0 If I can get through it, trust that you can, too.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Anonymous<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This is one of twenty-one AMAZING stories in Out-of-Work to Making Money, 21 Comeback Stories Every Job Hunter Should Hear<\/div>
Available now on Amazon<\/a> or Audible<\/a>.<\/div><\/div>\n
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